Another unintended post

I'm 32w5d pregnant. I've been in the hospital for 56 days and I have 11 days until my c-section.

I just first want to say that Mr Allens now accepts EBT cash. Detroit is becoming more and more increasingly ghetto. Rainbow and Smiley's Pizza also take EBT cash. This is so pitiful.

So when it rains it pours. Stupid DHS sent a letter in the mail saying my food stamps would be cut off at the end of this month because I didn't turn in my renewal form. Um, my dad drove it to the office and put it in the drop box. The last thing I need is to get out of this hospital and not have money to buy groceries and formula. DHS is truly a class act. And the JET program has been contacting me about not turning in pay stubs. Yeah, I haven't worked in like 3 months. And after I tell the lady I've been in the hospital for over 7 weeks she's like "Can you come in today with a doctors note?" Bitch, are you stupid? I just said I was in the hospital dumb ass. I'm really sick of having all of this "by appointment only" type of stuff happening to me while I'm here in the hospital.

So I have less than a week until my c-section. 1 week and 4 days. But today I am not in a good mood. No. First, I know I probably won't have any visitors until Sunday which leaves me 3 whole boring days to myself. Second, I order breakfast at like 10:30... at about 11:45 I'm thinking "where's my breakfast?" but I'm trying to be patient. I call the cafeteria at 12:15 and let the phone ring for 10 minutes before I finally gave up and microwaved some pizza I had left over from yesterday. For whatever reason, that really set it off. I've been in this horrible, pissy, mopey mood ever since.

I feel like this baby is torturing me. I feel like God is torturing me. Like I did something to be pulled away from my son for two months. I don't understand WHY I just won't go into labor already? I've tried spicy food, massage, acupressure. Yesterday I walked at least a mile and a half. All I got from that is a sore leg. I can understand that with a normal pregnancy you really can't jump start labor, but my water has been broken for 8 weeks. Shouldn't that be signaling my body to go into labor? What if something goes wrong with the baby? I will be so angry that I've been here all summer for essentially nothing. That's what it feels like- I'm "working" towards nothing. I've been increasingly irritated with Ted. He does pretty much everything I ask, but it seems like everything about  him has been making me so mad. If I say I want to go down to the cafeteria at 11, we don't get down there until 11:30. He has a comment for EVERYTHING and it's always negative. Sometimes I order him food when I'm not hungry. *I'm the patient, this food is supposed to be for me* and so to make a complaint EVERY SINGLE TIME I get you food, annoys the hell out of me! This isn't Coney Island. I'm most likely taking my frustrations out of him because I see him more than anyone else. Maybe it's because I haven't had sex in 3 months. I'm actually looking forward to the next time I can have sex, which is surprising, because when I got pregnant in January sex was the last thing I was looking forward to.

Triston came yesterday. It's fun but difficult. I feel down before he comes, I feel down when he leaves, and I feel overwhelmed while he's here. Ted wheeled us down to the cafeteria where Triston mostly threw food on the floor. Then we went to labor and delivery where there's a play table that Triston played at. He also danced around as this other little boy (about 6) kind of egged him on to dance. I couldn't help but to laugh. Then he threw a huge fit when we had to leave and go get his bag. I felt horrible as my dad strapped him in his car seat to take him home. He looked at me like why isn't mom getting in the car too? Even though it's less than two weeks, it's so hard to be away from him. I don't know why God would do this to me, I really don't.