2 weeks left

32w1d pregnant. 53 days in the hospital. 14 days until my c-section.

Can you believe I've been here this long? I can't believe I've been here this long. I don't even think the doctors believe I've been here this long. When they come into my room they are like "You sure are trying to ride this thing out, aren't you?" If they only knew! I've done squats in the bathroom, jogged in my room, did some seriuos booty poppin, tried acupressure....

What I can't wait for it TOMORROW. Tomorrow I can say I only have 1 week and 6 days left. I will no longer have to wait multiple weeks to have my baby. He is in my grasp. Yesterday one of my high school friends visited me and brought me some very hot Thai food. I thought maybe that would cause labor. My butt was burning today when I used the bathroom, but no labor. So today...

I GOT A MASSAGE!
I've never gotten a massage before. Though it sucks my very first massage had to be under these pretenses, it was great! I was worried I would feel uncomfortable but I didn't. It was extremely relaxing and I could really feel the baby moving around when she worked certain pressure points. I wish I had the type of money that would allow me to get massages all the time! After my massage I scarfed down the rest of my super hot Thai food, followed by WAY too much ice cream. Maybe the combination of massage and hot food will make me have contractions??

My manager predicted I would have the baby tomorrow or Wednesday, I know my mom is really rooting for me to have the baby this week. I think everyone (besides Ted and probably my father) are rooting for me to have the baby at this point. I'm sure if the doctors could legally give me a c-section at this point they would, but unless they have a reason to at this point, they can't. I would like to have the baby this week, but if I don't have it by the 17th I'm going to give up on the vision of having him between 31-32 weeks. I've already passed the whole 31 mark, the first time my intuition has failed me this pregnancy.
Lucky for me, it seems these last two weeks will pass much more quickly than the first 7. Tomorrow I have a "stork's nest" meeting. I believe that is where I sign all of my c-section and baby paperwork (so I'm not trying to do it in a rush). Ted will be up here both Tuesday and Wednesday and will probably bring Triston up here on Wednesday. Next week I'm sure I'll have ultrasounds or something. And the possibility of having the c-section on Sunday, the 28th is still a possibility, which shaves a cool 24 hours off of my stay.

I sound *MUCH* more positive than a lot of my previous posts don't I? I totally think it's the massage talking.

The only thing that I'm a little down about is Triston. I love my son, I want to be with him so much. I want to be at home with him, shower him with special attention before his brother arrives. I don't want to do that here. I feel bad, horrible, guilty- but part of me doesn't even want Ted to bring him up here on Wednesday. It's so hard to entertain him while he's here. There's nothing for him to do, and it exhausts me. And it makes me sad when he has to go, but I'm frustrated while he's here. I feel like a bad mom to say "Don't bring him" but it's a heartbreaking situation, it really is. I'm finally ready to be a mom of 2. My feelings of shopping and going out with friends has subsided and now I'm thinking about staying up all night and dividing my attention and making dinners. I am just not prepared for Marino to come home at the same time I come home. I want him to have to stay in the hospital a few days, and that makes me feel guilty as well. While it is a little bit of the adjustment for me, it's mostly for Triston. I feel so unfair that I haven't spent any of the summer with him, and then to just all the sudden take him back home with a brother that he doesn't understand the concept of... how do I do that to him? I'm ready, but I'm scared. That's why I want to have him sooner, so that he can be here in the hospital, while I spend time with Triston and recuperate, and prepare my apartment for the change. But in all honesty, I don't think it's going to happen before the 29th... I think I'm gonna be here until the very end.