4 weeks left!

I've made it to 30 weeks! Been in the hospital for 38 days (which BLOWS), but I only have 4 weeks until my c-section!

Finally, less than 30 days. It'd be August 29th to be exact, so it's more like 29 days instead of 28, but I plan to have that c-section scheduled for FIRST thing that morning. And then of course about 48 days to recover but at least everything will be all over with. Today my parents are going to bring up Triston and my favorite show, Breaking Bad, is on so hopefully the day will go somewhat quickly.

So the bleeding completely disappeared. Last night I leaked a LOT of fluid. Or at least it seemed like a lot. Everything is back to boring normal though. I guess there's only like 3 other people staying on the floor right now. When I think about it sometimes I'm feel how come I couldn't have been the one to go into labor. I think God wants this baby to keep cooking. I really am starting to think that's he's gonna be perfectly healthy. I'm still trying NOT to get my hopes up, but at the same time it really seems like there has to be a reason I'm here for so long. It has to pay off in some sense. I think if God didn't want this baby to make it, I would have lost him long ago. By the way, I believe his name is going to be Marino. I'm not all that fond of that name, but hopefully it will fit our little boy and I'll grow to like it more. It's definitely better than some of the other names Ted came up with, so I'm dealing with it.

Bed rest has taken a horrible toll on me. I don't even want to get out of bed, it's completely zapped my energy. I got up this morning and tried to do a little light stretching and I probably stretched for all of a minute, maybe two. It's like I have energy inside of me, but I can't translate it to physical energy.

I downloaded a texting program that gives you a different phone number so I could text my ex. This was a bad idea because it just makes me angry. He wants to "see" his son before he leaves. "See" him as if he's some cousin or other relative that you only visit a few times a year, or a favorite tourist spot. If I were in his position I would do everything in my power to be with my kid. If I wasn't with Triston I would be constantly on Friend of the Court's head to set up court dates. I would make VOLUNTARY support payments and document them to show what a stellar job I'm doing. I would make a routine of calling and sending gifts and trying to connect with my child. Most importantly I would swallow my pride and do everything in my power NOT to be a dickwad to the other parent.

I wonder if Triston will have a hard time growing up. I wonder if it'll hurt him that Ted is Marino's biological father and not his father. Like I wonder if he'll resent not having his real father around. I really hope not. I know Ted's not the type who's going to favor his real kid over Triston. I mean obviously the type of love will be different in a sense, but he's not gonna be the type to buy Marino something and not get anything for Triston. Or the type to dote on Marino and treat Triston like crap.

And the countdown continues....