Ideas

I believe the other day I mentioned the ideas I have.
The first one is that I would like to start a local babysitting exchange group.
This group would be open to mothers who work or go to school part time and want to save money on childcare and babysitting by exchanging babysitting duties with other moms. Right now my friend Britney does most of my babysitting. Since she barely ever watches my kids I pay her, but I pay her much less than I would pay a normal babysitter. For example, today she watched Triston and Marino for 7 hours which would cost me $35-40. I'll probably pay her $15-20 for it. I figure this group would be open to join and there would be mingles so all the ladies who are interested can meet each other over a meet & play session with the kids and that way people can make connections and exchange information with the moms that live closest to them or have schedules that will compliment each other, or people they just make a connection with. Great way to not only make friends but save money. Plus I would also make rules like if the person who watches your kid babysits more than you do you should work out some sort of repayment option to them whether it's monetary or whatever.

2. I want to come up with a business plan to open up a children's playroom in local hospitals. This room would give hospitalized parents a place to take their young children when they come to visit so that the children could ENJOY the time visiting their parents in the hospital. Not only would this be great for moms who were in antepartum like myself, but hospice patients this would be especially nice for. The last hours you spend with your children you want to be memorable and happy for both of you. The children's room would have age appropriate toys, a craft area, a snack area, a place for the patients to be stationed, a movie area. The room would have a nurse who could monitor patients and communicate between departments. There would also be a certified child care provider on staff who would be able give children first aid and coral children when they become too much for the parents to handle. Also other family would have to remain in the room to be in charge of the children for obvious reasons.
Anyway I wanted to put my ideas on BLOG rather than my complaints for once!

At school

I'm at school, second week of the semester. This semester is part time, in the fall I'll resume full time classes and let's pray that I will be able to manage. I am managing as of right now, but I have not encountered a lot of work yet. The only thing irritating me is that I feel like the lectures arent going where they need to go because these "students" ask questions after every piece of information is given.

Last time I posted I was having trouble with Triston. His tantrums, and the fact that I was getting angry with him more than should have been. I truly love Triston, he is just the type of child who is going to require a lot of attention. It's funny because I can see how different he and Marino will be from each other. Triston was a demanding baby who always had to be played with. Marino is just content with whatever, unless he's hungry or tired he'll just watch you or play with his toys. He's starting to get where he doesn't want to be left alone, but he's so much more easy-going than Triston.

I'm handling Triston better. He's not throwing as many tantrums and when he does I'm responding to them in a more positive and constructive way. He does not seem to be as jealous of Marino anymore. I feel as though the stem of the problem is my stress. Sometimes it seems as though I will never have enough time to do everything I both need and want to accomplish. It's like I need to clean, do homework, feeding babies, feed myself, bathe kids, bathe myself, take a nap, go to the gym, get my hair done, go shopping, pay bills, go to class, go to work... Something always ends up getting left out and normally it's things pertaining to myself. I only get to shower when Ted's around... I want to get my hair done next week and I don't know when I'll be able to do it... My mental health gets negatively affected because I feel like my needs are getting neglected while everyone else is getting taken care of.

Hopefully, some of that will change. I have a very busy week ahead of me but I'm hoping I can make Thursday a mental health day. I know that I don't work and that in the afternoon I can ship the children off to their grandparents. In the morning I'm gonna make Ted get up with them so I can sleep in. Then I'm gonna go get my hair cut. I'll come home and deliver the boys to their designated locations. From there I'm hoping ted and I can go grab a bite to eat, spend a romantic moment or two together, and then I plan to get rid of him too so I can take a nice bath, watch my shows and have the evening to myself, along with my bed.

Marino is doing quite well. He smiles constantly. He is going for a CT scan wednesday. Our follow up appointment with the craniofacial plastic surgeon went well. He seemed to think none of his sutures were prematurely fused and that he would be a good candidate for a helmet. However we sent us to another dr for a second opinion and this doctor stated that having more prominence in one side of his forehead is normally only caused by a premature closure and said having a CT scan would be best. Looking at Marino from the front he doesn't have any cosmetic defects, but if you look at him from the top of his head you do notice that one side of the forehead sticks out more than the other, and that the one side of his face is flatter than the other.

Finally the day has come where I left Arby's and I now have a new job. It came at the perfect time. Arby's was becoming a soap opera of gossip and I was getting sucked into being part of the rumor mill, which I didn't want to be a part of. I've been at the new job a week and I'm fitting in well, and I'm happy and I'm determined not to share too much personal information about myself and not speak negatively about others. I want to develop a professional and good reputation even though this is a place I only plan to stay with for about 2 years.

I've been maintaining my weight well, but my eating habits have been quite shabby. I'm wearing my body magic currently and after7 hours it's becoming quite uncomfortable. Ugh

Anyway I always set goals for this blog. Now that I actually have an hour in between classes every week I'm going to try to post once a week. I have many social work ideas I want to share and maybe I will develop this blog into a connection place to get these ideas underway.

Hard Times

as a parent I am feeling like a failure. I didn't know you could feel this much anger towards a child. When people abuse or hurt their children you automatically see that adorable kids face and say "how could anyone do that?" but now I feel as though I can sympathize.
Triston gives me such a difficult time. I think that he may be emotionally challenged, or maybe he's just the type of child who requires a lot of attention, but I'm not dealing with him well. He screAms ans throws tantrums and about half way through the day I just lose it. I try to be patient but when you deal with almost CONSTANT high pitched screaming, its hard not to let it stress you out. I end up spanking him and screaming at him myself. I find MYSELF crying from it. I can see that he's terrified when I yell at him like this and I know that I'm teaching him to express his anger with rage and am ruining his self esteem. At least that's how I feel when I do this. It depresses me. The last thing I want is a timid child with low self worth. I wonder if he has his father's temperament, because if he has behavioral problems I want to learn how to be a supportive parent to encourage him to excel in the things he is gifted in. I have a home therapist who is going to start coming next week. I'm so happy, I think I am in need of it more than he is. I get to the point where I just don't know what to do with him and in my head I want to sock him, but I know he's just a little boy. Its a horrible feeling I'm living with and I don't have help with him unless its from my mom or Ted.

Marino on the other hand is great. He only cries when he's hungry, he's constantly smiling and I think he's on track with his developmental milestones. He may still need s helmet but his head has shaped up pretty well.

Ted will probably move in within the next 2-3 months. I think that constant make presence may help stabilize Triston as well and help me not to feel so stressed. I'm debating between finding a new job or becoming a shift manager. I have a new store manager and she's great and I think I'm quickly becoming one of her favorites.

I know my update was short and sporatic I just wanted to get these things off my chest. This is my only outlet at times and my difficulties with Foreign have certainly worn on me lately.

wow its been a while

So Marino is almost 11 weeks old! I thought he was going to need surgery for scaphocephaly but it turns out his sutures aren't fused which is obviously a good thing. He's cooing and lifting his head up somewhat. I can't tell if his ocassional smiles are real or just gas.he's still a little behind where a 2 month old should be IMO but he is a Preemie. He's about 9lbs.

The hardest part is the lack of sleep, he still gets up every 3-4 hours at night. I had one fluke where he slept almost 7hrs but only the one time. Triston doesn't pay much attention to him but will be sweet to him from time to time.

Ted is pretty good. Every time he's at my apartment he will get up with the baby and sleeps downstairs so I can rest. Sometimes I do feel cheated because I never get a true night to myself. Every time I go out alone I'm grocery shopping or feel rushed. It'd be nice to go out one night and then have the whole next day to myself. Who knows, some people say dreams do come. True. Lol

Good days and bad days

I have two babies, let me make that perfectly clear. One is 2, the other is 1 month old. Their sleep doesn't always coordinate, which means less sleep for me. Which means, which I drink wine, I'm likely to wake up with a headache. Ugh. Most days it is fine, but today was one of those days.
Things that change when you have two young children- you have to take out the garbage EVERYDAY.  You have to sweep the kitchen floor EVERYDAY. Vacuum- EVERYDAY. I haven't showered since Saturday. I am hoping to shower tomorrow. But I love it. Every second of it.

I have business ambitions. I want to own night clubs, restaurants, consignment shops. But my real focus and passion is I have this amazing idea for a hair care, skin care, and make up line... and I'll leave it at that. I don't want to put my ideas too out there. I also want to start a youtube webisode series.... Hopefully I can make it all happen. I feel like a real mommy now with two children. I feel amazing. I have a family. I can't be told shit from my parents now, because I'm the one giving orders.

Anyway I want to lose another 10lbs... really I'd LOVE to lose 20, but I know Ted wouldn't be feeling it. I'm losing weight quickly. Just started "working out" yesterday. My "work outs" mostly consist of stretching, dancing to MTV jams, and trying to get squats, lunges, and sit ups in where I can. I'll get there though. I am determined to be one of those hot moms, a do it all mom. I want to be beautiful while being a fun, good mom to my children, while also pursuing my dreams. And that's where i'm at right now

Marino is 4 weeks old!

My baby has been home for 10 days now. He's doing great. In fact I think he ate too much tonight! Triston loves being a big brother... or at least he's not jealous yet. He likes to imitate the things Marino does. As for myself, I'm doing good. I love my baby very much but sometimes I do feel guilty. I made a lot of mistakes and was very selfish during my pregnancy but I didn't understand why things were happening to me. I think it made me take a step back and enjoy spending time with my family. I'm not constantly trying to get out of the house the second Ted shows up. I've been out of the hospital for a month and haven't bought a single item of clothing for myself. Maybe I'm too tired to think about partying or maybe my priorities have just changed. I think I've grown as a person over the summer even though this has been a less than spectacular year for me. The most difficult thing right now is trying to be more of a disciplinarian toward Triston but I'm working on it. Ted is doing great as a dad, he even lets me get like a good 6-7 hours of sleep in the nights that he's here. I'm breastfeeding though, so by the time I get up my boobs feel like bricks. Overall, things are good.
I will try to blog more, but obviously my time is limited right now. There is so much I want to say but I'm literally blogging while I'm doing a feeding so more will come later!

Marino's here!

I got my wish and got to deliver Marino on Sunday! So his birthday is August 28th 2011, 5:46pm. He came out weighing 4lbs 13oz and was 18.5 inches. He'll have to be in the NICU for a little while until he starts breathing completely on his own and eating better but besides that he has absolutely no health problems! As much as I complained hospital bed rest was worth it. He is so perfect! His little head needs some shaping, but besides that he is good. He's got lots of hair and his nose & mouth look like Triston, but his eyes and forehead look like Ted's.